Once again I have found myself staring at a blank screen trying to put into words my feelings at another of Chaser’s milestones. In the days leading up to a “big month” I find myself making mental notes of all the things I want to say and then somehow I lose it.

For some reason I discussed this with Heather again, it went just about as well as it did the last time. See her letter below.

Dear Chase,
You are 15 months old. Holy fuck! That is so old. Where did my little baby go? You look like a man! Also, why the fuck won’t you eat? Or walk? I am a neurotic mom and I can’t deal with you doing things at your own pace.

But I love you.
Mom

She has such a way with words.

Anyways. Here is my go at this:

Chase-face

As it turns out 15 months is just about the perfect age. As crazy as you make me most days and as much as I wish you would learn just a couple of new skills I am laughing more everyday with you. Perhaps it’s the fact that I know that our time with just the two of us is coming to an end soon so I’ve been careful to really enjoy our time together.

Just when I thought you were all done being my baby you have a sudden new fondness for snuggling. We have morning snuggles and we rock at bedtime again. Sometimes during the day you want nothing more than to sit on my lap with your sippy cup and watch cartoons.

There are also days when you seem so grown up that it actually takes my breath away. Your afternoons often consist of playing by yourself in your room with your cartoons playing in the background. I put up the baby gate at your door and you are content for a few hours on your own. (Please note that I check on you frequently and I’ve completely baby-proofed your room, you’ve only strewn baby powder all over ONCE)

By the time your next milestone month comes along you will no longer be an only child. Parts of me wish I had just a little more time for it to be just the two of us. I know it’s going to be hard on you when we bring a new baby home but I promise that you are still just as much my baby and no one could ever take your place. I will always make time for it to be “just the two of us”.

Love Mama

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In case you hadn’t noticed the posting around these parts has been sparse. There is a reason other than extreme laziness I swear, well a couple of reasons. For starters I have a one-year old and am currently growing another human, absurd amounts of work I tell you, I don’t recommend trying both at the same time.

My main reason however is that I’ve been working on a new project, a new blog. I’m extremely blessed to have such supportive caring friends who push me to put aside my fears and “go big”. Seriously I can’t thank them enough for all the hand-holding I’ve required while putting this together.

I struggled for a long time with wanting my blog to be a personal space and yet wanting to make it more of a business as well. I always worried that going for one thing was completely cutting off the other. I feel like I’ve finally found a solution to the problem. For me the answer was to put myself out there in different places and stop trying to force it all into one space.

For a year now I’ve been a writer at Aiming Low, and I can’t begin to tell you what that collaboration has done for me, especially my self esteem. Recently Heather and Meghan asked me to join them at Hot Mom Reviews and I’m so excited for the opportunities that will bring. Still I felt this need to be doing something that was completely my own, something I was passionate about.

So without any further ado, I introduce to you my new endeavour, The Casual Organizer (www.thecasualorganizer.com).

I hope you will all join me over there where I will do my best to share all of my organizing knowledge and know-how. A special and heartfelt thank you to my wonderful friend Maria for all her help in designing and coding of the new space. I could not have done this without her. Also thank you to the fabulous AliMartell and Amy for all their grammar policing and general proof-reading. (editor’s note: neither was privy to this post so ignore any errors here)

As for this space, it can go back to just being about me, my kids and my family, everything I originally wanted it to be. I couldn’t be happier!

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“No he isn’t walking quite yet…I think he could, he’s just not interested”

“He sleeps pretty good…he only wakes up a few times”

“Well he eats sometimes…he’s just a little picky…so he survives on chicken nuggets, what of it”

“He says mama…to everything…sometimes he wave bu-bye”

Lately I feel like these statements have been on constant repeat for me. It feels like people are constantly asking about Chase’s developmental progress, and while I know they aren’t, I feel judged. I see raised eyebrows or hear something in the tone of their reply and I feel judged. Worse than that, I feel like my baby is being judged.

I know that kids hit milestones at different times, I know it’s different for everyone. Developmental time-lines are only an average, but does that mean my toddler is…below average?

I keep telling myself that I have an extremely happy and healthy 14 month old and that’s what counts right? RIGHT? Maybe I should be working on a few of these things with him more but where do I start?

I know I’m not alone in this fear so why is it so hard to talk about?

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A few months ago my best friend allowed me a rare peek at her personal bathroom. I was horrified at the state of her make-up drawer. I would show you a picture of it but I’m pretty sure after the verbal lashing I gave her, that I’m never allowed in there again, let alone would I be allowed to get photographic evidence of the drawer of horrors. I guess I could be exaggerating it just a little bit but amongst her make-up was hair ties, little girl hair bows, brushes, and random medicine cabinet type stuff. I can totally understand how it takes her over an hour to get ready each morning.

Here are a few of my best tips for keeping your make-up organized:

1. Don’t live out of a bag. I know this isn’t an option for some but I know a lot of girls who choose this route and for the life of me I can’t understand why. To me drawers just make it so much easier to grab just what you are looking for. If you don’t have an actual drawer I would suggest investing in a cheap rubbermaid type set of drawers to sit on the counter or under the sink.

2. Keep a simple collection of make-up for everyday use. I am NOT telling you to get rid of all your fancy make-up (Heather), but do you really need access to ALL your make-up every day? Keep the special occasion or rarely used stuff packed away in a closet or under the sink.

3. Use drawer dividers. You don’t have to spend $50 on fancy make-up dividers from a high end store, I use plastic trays from wal-mart. The cost anywhere from $1-$3 a piece depending on the size and sturdy-ness.

4. Have a travel set. If you travel a lot like I do then I highly suggest having a duplicate set used only for travel. My best advice for starting this travel set is to not wait until you are out something to replace it but buying the replacement when your current item is half used and putting the half used item in the travel set. For items with an expiration date, such as mascara, I wait to buy my “fancy” make-up until the counter is having a free-gift sale and I use the travel sizes for the travel set.

5. Speaking of expiration dates, I keep a mini sharpie in my bathroom drawer to label any make-up that might go bad before I use it all. Whenever I buy a new tube of mascara or get a new compact I jot the month/year I purchased it on the bottom.

Fun Finds:

1. Countertop drawer from sterilite available at walmart (I love that you can store brushes in the open section on top! If you get drawers without an open top, then I suggest a pencil cup for brushes)
2. Pencil Bag from sewaudrey Etsy shop (use these in your travel kits to hold your brushes, mascara and lipsticks)
3. Plastic drawer organizers from Container Store

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Is it just me or is anyone else struggling with the fact that it is JULY already. I mean where has the time gone? I firmly remember it just being January. I had such lofty goals for this year and just like always here I am mid year wondering where all the time went and telling myself that it’s no use starting now, I might as well just wait for January to come back around.

I took a pretty big leap of faith (in myself) earlier this year and decided to become an independent sales advisor for Lia Sophia jewelry. I mustered up all the courage I could find and signed on the dotted line and now I’m one of those ladies who goes home to home toting her wares. (wow that sounded kind of dirty). I was quite terrified at first but it’s been a few months and I’ve had several successful shows so who knows maybe this will work out after all. If you’d like to check out what I have to offer (again witht the dirty) head over to www.liasophia.com/jenbradshaw.

I conquered another huge fear last week by going on my first solo trip with Chase. Heather and Brit somehow convinced me that it would be a good idea to pack up my toddler, hop on a plane and meet them in Utah. I have to say, they were totally right. We all headed out west to attend the EVO conference in Park City. I must say it was the best conference I have ever attended. The location was to die for, the sessions (at least the ones I made it too) were fantastic and the people, OMG THE PEOPLE. Everyone I met there was almost disturbingly nice, right down to the waiters at the restaurants. Our cab driver was a little weird but I’m pretty sure he meant well when he offered us cherries. From Katie’s mishaps, to Brit’s epic freak out, to the shooting of the latest Annabel movie, it was definitely a trip worth remembering. I can’t wait to do it again next year.

As of today I am 18 weeks and 4 days pregnant, which basically means I’m going to have this baby in about 10 years, at least it feels that way. Somehow telling myself that I’m almost halfway done just isn’t making me feel any better. I am at least finally over the nightly sickness and have moved on to only occasionally feeling like setting up residence in the bathroom. The tiredness is still kicking my ass but I’m pretty sure that can also be attributed to the resident toddler who likes to lay awake from 2 am till 4 am just looking at me. He is so insistent on this game that if I close my eyes he will reach over and stick a finger in them. It’s hard to be annoyed by this when I open my eyes to find him smiling at me.

That’s really all there is for now, I know it isn’t much but it’ll just have to do.

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Chaser,

It’s official, it has been for a week or so, you are no longer a baby, you are a one year-old. You have officially moved into the toddler phase. I’m not sure that I have ever appreciated how much can change in a year and how fast one can go before you.

Somewhere in the span of this year your personality formed and now you show it off like a badge every day. When you smile, you do so with your entire face, and you show off that smile at every opportunity. You can also do things with your eyebrows that Elvis himself would be jealous of.

Despite your nicknames and how often I call you a little brat you really are one of the happiest babies toddlers I know. You wake up giggling and chatting to yourself, until I come in with your morning bottle and turn on Mickey Mouse. Someday I will build a shrine to that little mouse for the extra hour of quiet sleepy time he provides me in the morning.

I found myself going through photos of you from your first months and while I was a little sad I’m also incredibly excited about the year to come. I can’t wait to watch you and see all the changes you make. I know that soon you will have to share the spotlight with a little brother or sister but I will love you all the same and you will always be my baby.

Happy Birthday little man.

Love Mama

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Alright here we go, first set of dates, first rounds of drama. This better be good…and by good I mean I want to see some fists of fury.

First individual date goes to Frank. I still think he is pretty cute but is he just wearing the glasses for show, does he wear contacts, inconsistencies clearly annoy me.

So Frank and Ali take off in a pretty awesome classic blue convertible, whatever, I’m not good with cars, I have no idea what it was. Obviously it wasn’t that great of a car because it broke down on them in the middle of the freeway. There are some dramatic shots of them being all “oh no what do we do”…here’s an idea, get the damn production crew surrounding you to give you a ride or call a damn tow. Instead they decide to walk. They head off to Hollywood for some ridiculously staged paparazzi photos and fan sightings.

Back at the house, the guys are all giving Justin hell for lying about being a professional wrestler. As far as I’m concerned that was the one smart thing he did, until he went and told Ali of course.

Back on the date Ali and Frank are talking about Frank and his family and job and whatnot but all I can think about is how he keeps taking his glasses off and putting them back on. I am becoming ridiculously bothered by this. The rest of the date is boring schmoring.

Back at the house Craig M is being a dickhead, also he is wearing what looks to be another pink shirt, this one is plain and he has paired it with a ridiculous hat. He was really razzing on one of the other guys whose name I don’t even know but I’m clearly on mr. unknown’s side.

Next up is the group date. Ali takes 12 of the guys to the beach for a calendar photo shoot. Of course some of the guys get normal everyday trunks and some of them….did not. Several of them were ok with their speedos, several of them….were NOT. Oddly enough the guys in speedos were not the ones who got to have their pictures taken cuddling with Ali. There were to be no boners in this photo shoot.

Sidebar: Is it just me or is Ty from Nashville totally adorable. If I were on this show, I would totally be into him.

At dinner Ty fessed up to being a divorce, which I’m not sure if that was a good move or totally wreckless. The whole Jonathan vs. Craig M debacle is eerily similar to Ali vs. Vienna last season (thanks for pointing that out Brian). I’m pretty sure it isn’t going to end any better for him (Jonathan) than it did for Ali.

Sidebar: Is it like a requirement that if your name is Craig then you are a total dick-face? Seriously, both Craigs are total d-bags or jerkoffs if you want to go with Jonathan’s assessment.

Back at the house Jesse gets the last one on one date before elimination. I don’t have much to say about that other than…umm…he is from my state…

Back at the group date Ty got the rose so he is safe at the rose ceremony.

Jesse’s date begins the parade of * totally realistic* dates, they head off in a private jet to Vegas. They go to a brand new hotel and hang out in the pool, eat weird food that I would never touch. Blah blah blah…boring. I don’t have much else to say besides Ali’s dress was a hot mess, Jesse seems boring, I have no idea who the “special singer” was, oh and Jesse got his rose.

Of course with 17 guys vying for Ali’s attention there is plenty of awkwardness at the cocktail party. Guys with roses are swooping in on guys who have barely had any time with Ali, Craig M and Jonathan are at each others throats, the other Craig is making jabs at other people. Then all hell breaks loose as Craig M found out that the bashing street goes both ways and he has been talked about, he gathers everyone on the couches and calls out “weatherman” and yada yada yada these guys are worse than a bunch of girls, the only difference is the amount of tears.

To wrap things up Ali ends up giving the boot to Tyler, Chris H and Craig M. Considering I had to look up Tyler and Chris I can’t say I’m surprised. Craig M, I will miss your antics, no really I will.

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I have been anxiously awaiting this season of The Bachelorette since the end of last season when it was announced that Ali would be the chosen one. I honestly like her and hope that she finds a decent enough guy.

The opening scenes introducing us to this season’s chosen single soul was full of all the same ridiculous shots of said single hanging out doing totally * normal* things.  At least Ali wasn’t half naked like Jake was in 90% of his. It also seems that there is no cheesy tagline this season, the producers must have seen what fun we re-cappers had with “on the wings of love”. Fun-haters.

Here are my initial impressions of the group of douches guys Ali has to choose from.

I am convinced that these guys are tools:

• Craig from Canada: I think it’s possible that this guy spends twice as much time as I do prepping his hair, McDreamy he is not.  He did however have one of the best lines of the night proclaiming “I’m so glad you aren’t Vienna” as he exited the limo.
• Justin from Canada: Speaking of Vienna, I’m pretty sure I’ve found the male version of her in Justin, more likely he will turn out to be the male Rozlyn, still equally annoying. I’m sure this jackass will be around at least a few episodes if only for the ratings he will bring in. Mr. Rated-R, are you freaking kidding me, The Rock you are not dude.

You guys seem ok but….:

• Kasey from Clovis: I spent most of my time pondering whether or not he was deaf based on the way he spoke but I get the feeling he is going to be like a crazy version of Tenley, much to sweet for my taste.
• Frank from Chicago: I adore his glasses, but he seems a little goofy and quite a bit over the top. I also thought he said he lived with his parents, but then I swear he said he lived in Paris, was I the only one confused by this?
• Kirk from Green Bay: So this guy made Ali a scrapbook of all his…hobbies…I guess. It seemed a little weird but I guess you have to make yourself stand out somehow.
• Hunter from San Antonio: I wanted to hate his little ditty on the Ukulele but honestly it was kind of funny and sweet.
• Roberto from Charleston: After watching some of his audition video I was ready to put him in the Jersey Shore reject category but he turned out to be surprisingly charming during his one on one time.

The remaining rose winners didn’t really leave an impression on me, although I did like the guy from Cape Cod, but was he they guy who just lost his Mother or his Brother. I seriously need to improve my powers of observation.

I have only two observations about the guys that went home.

• Derrick from San Diego: I’m pretty sure you get the dumbass award for telling Ali all about your college given nickname of Shooter. Way to go sport.
• Jay from Rhode Island: I could not stop picturing this guy as a super creepy version of Keanu Reeves and Nicolas Cage with awful hair. What a tool.

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Chaser,

This month I need to apologize to you. I have not been the best mom I can be. I haven’t even come close. I feel like I should be taking this time to really enjoy you while you are still an only child and yet everyday I struggle just to go through the motions. I haven’t taken you outside to play (granted it has rained…a lot here), I haven’t been trying to teach you new skills, I just plain haven’t done much.

Despite my best efforts you are becoming quite the independent little boy. You rarely let me hold you to take your bottles, only the Grandma’s get that job these days. You would like to be able to dress yourself but I just can’t see letting you go around in only a diaper all day every day.

You learned how to stand up this month, it started in your crib but it wasn’t long before you were pulling yourself up to EVERYTHING. We’ve tried to show you how to walk to get from point A to point B but you stubbornly insist that your way is better. When you get tired you crawl over to me on the couch and pull yourself up and shut my computer screen. You may not talk yet but you certainly know how to communicate your needs.

Your eating has improved but only marginally. You have a new fondness for Cheerios and yogurt. Like any child you are also proving to love peanut butter sandwiches. You drive your dad crazy by shoving fistfuls of food into your mouth all at once, but I say let you live and learn. I promise not to let you actually choke.

I love you more than anything in the world and I promise that as soon as the new baby stops punishing me we are going to have one heck of a good summer.

Love Mama

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I’ve written this post in my head a thousand times over the past few weeks, I had LOTS of witty things to say.

I’ve since forgotten them all.

That’s not entirely true, It’s just that I can only remember the seriously inappropriate things. (Thank you for that Heather)

Asshole Baby is officially going to be a big brother.

In two days I will officially be out of the first trimester. I can’t tell you how much I hope that I will feel that magical change in the second trimester. Since the day I hit 6 weeks I have spent my days praying for Chaser to nap and my evenings running back and forth to the bathroom.

The past two weeks I have at least been physically functioning thanks to a lifesaving tip from Meghan and Heather. Unisom has become my lifeblood.

We won’t discuss my emotional functioning. Suffice it to say I cry at least once a day, and I’m pretty sure I’m losing my mind.

I’m so excited to be having another baby, adding to our family, creating a new life…yada yada yada. However, until this baby stops feeling like a parasite who is trying to rip out my insides, I’m going to just need a place where I can be bitchy and whiny and moany. I sincerely hope that doesn’t offend anyone.

Also I can’t end this post without saying it.

We have a perfect asshole baby, here’s to hoping for a perfect whore baby.

Sigh.

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