The Bachelorette: No Boners To See Here Folks

Alright here we go, first set of dates, first rounds of drama. This better be good…and by good I mean I want to see some fists of fury.

First individual date goes to Frank. I still think he is pretty cute but is he just wearing the glasses for show, does he wear contacts, inconsistencies clearly annoy me.

So Frank and Ali take off in a pretty awesome classic blue convertible, whatever, I’m not good with cars, I have no idea what it was. Obviously it wasn’t that great of a car because it broke down on them in the middle of the freeway. There are some dramatic shots of them being all “oh no what do we do”…here’s an idea, get the damn production crew surrounding you to give you a ride or call a damn tow. Instead they decide to walk. They head off to Hollywood for some ridiculously staged paparazzi photos and fan sightings.

Back at the house, the guys are all giving Justin hell for lying about being a professional wrestler. As far as I’m concerned that was the one smart thing he did, until he went and told Ali of course.

Back on the date Ali and Frank are talking about Frank and his family and job and whatnot but all I can think about is how he keeps taking his glasses off and putting them back on. I am becoming ridiculously bothered by this. The rest of the date is boring schmoring.

Back at the house Craig M is being a dickhead, also he is wearing what looks to be another pink shirt, this one is plain and he has paired it with a ridiculous hat. He was really razzing on one of the other guys whose name I don’t even know but I’m clearly on mr. unknown’s side.

Next up is the group date. Ali takes 12 of the guys to the beach for a calendar photo shoot. Of course some of the guys get normal everyday trunks and some of them….did not. Several of them were ok with their speedos, several of them….were NOT. Oddly enough the guys in speedos were not the ones who got to have their pictures taken cuddling with Ali. There were to be no boners in this photo shoot.

Sidebar: Is it just me or is Ty from Nashville totally adorable. If I were on this show, I would totally be into him.

At dinner Ty fessed up to being a divorce, which I’m not sure if that was a good move or totally wreckless. The whole Jonathan vs. Craig M debacle is eerily similar to Ali vs. Vienna last season (thanks for pointing that out Brian). I’m pretty sure it isn’t going to end any better for him (Jonathan) than it did for Ali.

Sidebar: Is it like a requirement that if your name is Craig then you are a total dick-face? Seriously, both Craigs are total d-bags or jerkoffs if you want to go with Jonathan’s assessment.

Back at the house Jesse gets the last one on one date before elimination. I don’t have much to say about that other than…umm…he is from my state…

Back at the group date Ty got the rose so he is safe at the rose ceremony.

Jesse’s date begins the parade of * totally realistic* dates, they head off in a private jet to Vegas. They go to a brand new hotel and hang out in the pool, eat weird food that I would never touch. Blah blah blah…boring. I don’t have much else to say besides Ali’s dress was a hot mess, Jesse seems boring, I have no idea who the “special singer” was, oh and Jesse got his rose.

Of course with 17 guys vying for Ali’s attention there is plenty of awkwardness at the cocktail party. Guys with roses are swooping in on guys who have barely had any time with Ali, Craig M and Jonathan are at each others throats, the other Craig is making jabs at other people. Then all hell breaks loose as Craig M found out that the bashing street goes both ways and he has been talked about, he gathers everyone on the couches and calls out “weatherman” and yada yada yada these guys are worse than a bunch of girls, the only difference is the amount of tears.

To wrap things up Ali ends up giving the boot to Tyler, Chris H and Craig M. Considering I had to look up Tyler and Chris I can’t say I’m surprised. Craig M, I will miss your antics, no really I will.

The Bachelorette, No Longer on the Wings of Love

I have been anxiously awaiting this season of The Bachelorette since the end of last season when it was announced that Ali would be the chosen one. I honestly like her and hope that she finds a decent enough guy.

The opening scenes introducing us to this season’s chosen single soul was full of all the same ridiculous shots of said single hanging out doing totally * normal* things.  At least Ali wasn’t half naked like Jake was in 90% of his. It also seems that there is no cheesy tagline this season, the producers must have seen what fun we re-cappers had with “on the wings of love”. Fun-haters.

Here are my initial impressions of the group of douches guys Ali has to choose from.

I am convinced that these guys are tools:

  • Craig from Canada: I think it’s possible that this guy spends twice as much time as I do prepping his hair, McDreamy he is not.  He did however have one of the best lines of the night proclaiming “I’m so glad you aren’t Vienna” as he exited the limo.
  • Justin from Canada: Speaking of Vienna, I’m pretty sure I’ve found the male version of her in Justin, more likely he will turn out to be the male Rozlyn, still equally annoying. I’m sure this jackass will be around at least a few episodes if only for the ratings he will bring in. Mr. Rated-R, are you freaking kidding me, The Rock you are not dude.

You guys seem ok but….:

  • Kasey from Clovis: I spent most of my time pondering whether or not he was deaf based on the way he spoke but I get the feeling he is going to be like a crazy version of Tenley, much to sweet for my taste.
  • Frank from Chicago: I adore his glasses, but he seems a little goofy and quite a bit over the top. I also thought he said he lived with his parents, but then I swear he said he lived in Paris, was I the only one confused by this?
  • Kirk from Green Bay: So this guy made Ali a scrapbook of all his…hobbies…I guess. It seemed a little weird but I guess you have to make yourself stand out somehow.
  • Hunter from San Antonio: I wanted to hate his little ditty on the Ukulele but honestly it was kind of funny and sweet.
  • Roberto from Charleston: After watching some of his audition video I was ready to put him in the Jersey Shore reject category but he turned out to be surprisingly charming during his one on one time.

The remaining rose winners didn’t really leave an impression on me, although I did like the guy from Cape Cod, but was he they guy who just lost his Mother or his Brother. I seriously need to improve my powers of observation.

I have only two observations about the guys that went home.

  • Derrick from San Diego: I’m pretty sure you get the dumbass award for telling Ali all about your college given nickname of Shooter. Way to go sport.
  • Jay from Rhode Island: I could not stop picturing this guy as a super creepy version of Keanu Reeves and Nicolas Cage with awful hair. What a tool.

I have a dirty little secret

I am ADDICTED to TV.

No really.

It’s Bad.

I watch TV all day long, it is always on. I keep it on when I’m on the computer, while I read a book, when I’m feeding or soothing the baby at night. (dude I keep it on really quiet at night when I’m with the baby – don’t judge me)

The advent of the DVR has only made my obsession worse. Now I can tape two shows and watch another. That’s three shows at the same time people. I can totally triple stack my tv viewing schedule.

What’s that?

You say you don’t have a schedule?

Fool!

Every year about this time I open up my documents folder and find my “TV Schedule” spreadsheet. Oh yes I do, I schedule my TV viewing so as not to miss anything. I spend an evening pouring over the fall schedules and new show previews on all of the major networks. I put all my “must see’s” and “want to try’s” into a time blocked table.

I probably spend more time on this than I did planning my course load in college – whatever.

Anyway, here is my list of shows:

Sundays
Desperate Housewives
Brothers & Sisters
Mondays
One Tree Hill
Gossip Girl
Dancing with the Stars
Castle
Trauma
How I Met Your Mother
Tuesdays
Melrose Place
The Forgotten
NCIS
NCIS: Los Angeles
Wednesdays
America’s Next Top Model
The Beautiful Life
Glee
Eastwick
Mercy
Criminal Minds
Thursdays
Vampire Diaries
Flash Forward
Grey’s Anatomy
Private Practice
Survivor
The Mentalist
Fridays
Brothers

So tell me, what am I missing? What are your “must see” shows?

Share with me people! Feed my obsession!

Posted in TV