Chase,

I have struggled for a week to figure out what to say to you after this month. Someone very wise said I should write “Dear Chase, This month you were an asshole. Love Mom”. Unfortunately this isn’t far from the truth. You seem to be at your first of many “difficult ages”. You have figured out how to scream and you certainly aren’t afraid to tell me when something is not to your liking. You and I spent most of this month by ourselves as Daddy was working out of town. We had some pretty serious battles of will this month and honestly I’m not sure who came out ahead. I do know that plenty of tears were shed, mostly mine.

You finally started reaching for things and holding them. I think sometimes you know exactly what skill I’m waiting for you to develop and you taunt me by refusing. You wait until I have let the voices in my head convince me there is something wrong and then when I’m at my wits end you smile and perform like a little circus monkey. What frightens me is that this is only the beginning of your mind games with me.

It hasn’t been a constant battle however. I’m still blown away everyday at how much I love you. You are so happy in the mornings, as soon as you see my face you smile and gasp. You’re closer and closer everyday to an actual laugh.

I can’t imagine how much you will change in the next month after watching so much change this month. Soon you’ll be rolling over and laughing and sitting up on your own. I can’t wait to watch you reach each of these milestones and at the same time I’m not quite ready for you to be so grown up.

No matter how big you get promise me that you will always need me as much as you do now (even if I complain about)

Love Mama